Day 5 of "goodbye self-harm"

Ah, day 5. I hate you? I love you? Where are my friends when i cannot tell them about my little love affair with with the scissors and knives and monsters and demons and persons that are knocking at my minds window panes. I wonder if the glass is going to brake any time soon?

Lets hope not. 

Dear Charlotte, (alternate self/character of me)

I saw you in the mirror today and you looked like a bit of a lunatic. See, the pretty pictures on your arms need more color and i swear you've gained 15 pounds this summer. What the fuck are you doing? Also, Charlotte? You're kind of a slut.. what are you thinking? Letting boys kiss you, and hang out with you. You'll never be good enough for a real guy. Just look at the one your hearts gone for. Yeah... you'll never be good enough. Also, what happened to being true to yourself? You gave yourself 100 days and now you have given up on your whole plan. You're hopeless, and gutless. You can't even go through with your own suicide. You'll never be able to live up to anything or be true to yourself. Stop trying. Damn. What a mess...