Nightmare.

"Dont do drugs. Don't drink. Its stupid, and all it does is hinder you." Sound familiar? ... I thought so. Its probably been uttered to you only a million time by a parent or any sort authority. 

The sunshine was beating down this weekend, as the wind caressed the bare skin of all the hippies, and hipsters, and teenagers, and all of the different types of people at Summer Camp. Summer Camp is a big giant festival held every summer where everyone gets together, feels the love, smokes a little, drinks a little, and listens to some incredible music. Honestly, i don't know a person who dosnt find a little bit of appeal in at least one of those things, if not all. Well here i am, just your average girl, been there, done that. That cliche, "broken hearted," "just trying to get by" chick. Well, here i am with a free ticket to "Scamp" and ready to celebrate my best friends birthday with a youthful zeal that will burn up Three Sisters park before you can say "happy scamp." The whole park was in motion, dancing with colors, and feathers and not to mentionhippy skirts. The air was filled with music.

The atmosphere was intoxicating, in every sense of the world. There were people flying higher then any of the birds in the sky, and some were so drunk that they struggled to fit the cigarette between their teeth. As my friends and I drove on our staff golf cart from concert to concert i let the good vibes in and the bad one's out, and before i new it, the sun was setting. I was dancing and laughing, and not to mention sipping a drink here and there as the music took me in its arms spun me.

Dubstep concert.

The lights flashing and blinding.

A single hit.

I was light as a feather.

I held on to my friends hand as we made our way back into the crowd, stumbling to gain my balance. "Oh shit." i said, as i realized that my body felt like it was stepping in different places, and the feeling in my legs and my hands shoot with electricity and vibrations. It scared me. I didn't like it.

"Sarah! Sarah! Please, can we get out of here! I don't like this. I know i sound crazy. I need to get out..." And then i lost my ability to speak as i fell to the floor, so overcome with dread and fear and confusion that i could not even stand underneath the weight of it. The tangled feeling of my body kept tripping over itself, never being able to gain control. 

"Stop! Stop! You need to calm down. Stop!" I felt my friends grabbing me, and pulling me back, i wished they would just let me get out of there. Why were they holding me back? I needed air. The crowd closed in on me to the point of excessive claustrophobia. I tried to get out but then, all of a sudden, i realized i was completely paralyzed. Caught in a little blink of time that never ended. Caught in-between heaven and hell. Have you ever had that feeling just as you are about to reach the surface after a couple seconds too long underwater? That feeling of being trapped and just out of reach of escape swallowed me and refused to let me go. I was stuck there. Forever. The time didn't move, yet my pain and terror never ceased to wash over me. Wave after wave after wave. The world constantly spinning and the only thing that i could coherently think was "Dear God, please help me." My existence and my being blurred into a single string of thought. Terror. I screamed as I beat myself against the ground, trying to grasp reality. Everything around me kept spinning and i realized i was alone. I was so very alone. Finally, I was able to focus on my friends sister as she calmed me down, getting me to breathe, and trying to focus. "What did you take!? What did you take! Its gonna be okay." I tried to touch her face, and couldn't feel her, and that scared me. I panicked and was once again stuck in a state of terror. Who am i!? I don't understand!? What is this!? Where am i!? Where did i come from!? Who am i!? I can't remember my name... The scene went blurry and i remember big strong arms holding me. A mans face appeared and he asked me questions and shined a flashlight into my eyes. I was rushed into a medical tent, and then once again, got stuck in a panicked state of terror and repetition, constant spinning, and never-ending pain. I looked up and above me stood my best friends parents looking down on me. I couldn't remember who they were. On the inside i remember crying with frustration and agony because i couldn't remember my name, my family, my life. I knew my life was ending. I knew death was near if not already ahold of me. Dear God, Im sorry. I thought even in the chaos of my confused mind. 

A pin pricked my arm and the realization of the pain shocked me as the nurse inserted the IV. I gave up fighting at that point and let myself hang there in a silence. My mouth felt like sand paper and my body was shaking with tension. 

I looked around me and observed a girl on a bed beside me. Her brown hair was long. The action of turning, and looking at her, stuck in my head and repeated itself over and over and over. Madness. My arms hurt, and my neck, and my head throbbed with pain. In the past i used to say that i felt "trapped" in my depression and frustration with myself. The word "trapped" put on a whole other meaning as all of my mental pain was magnified and multiplied into something inexpressibly wretched. 

Hope. Hope, was finally found in the instant when i realized that i existed. My parents walked into the room, and never have i ever experienced a breath a fresh air more sweet. I don't remember what they said but i knew they were there to take me home. Slowly, but surly, i let myself fall back down into reality.

I awoke the next morning in my moms bed, looked into her face, and my little baby brothers, and realized once again, with surprise, that i was alive. Looking down, i saw my clothes, and it dawned on me that what i thought i had just dreamed, was real.

One night. One hit. One trip to hell and back. My life was changed.

As i awoke and progressively came down from the high, i came to understand that whatever drug that got into my system caused me to completely lose control. I attacked 2 people (both of which were close friends,) I also found out that it took 3 full grown men to detain me. I seriously damaged my relationships with every friend that witnessed my insanity, and the pain from that hurts more then anything else.

I never thought it'd happen to me. I always thought i was in control in those situations. Harmless right? Well, now i know that the naivety i once had has been shot out the window, unfortunately, due to experience. 

However, despite these terrors and pains, and despite the aftermath, i am so thankful to be alive. I am so thankful i have a second chance. Life is fragile. Reality is bliss.